Sacred Reflections

Leave

Living from the Inside Out.

Over the years, I come back again and again to a story about Jesus leaving.
Leaving town, while the town was lined up, waiting for Jesus. I share this story with good people, tired and stretched thin from caring for others. When I suggest they step away for a bit, take a retreat, or move on to a new kind of work, they push back, telling me all the people who depend on and need them. Then I share this story.

Jesus visits Peter’s home and heals Peter’s mother-in-law. Word gets out. People start lining up. Soon, the whole town stands outside Peter’s house, waiting to be healed by Jesus.

In the wee hours of the morning, Jesus slips away. Finds a quiet place to pray. Listens for God’s voice, only to be interrupted by a disapproving Peter. “Where have you been?? The whole town is lined up at my door, waiting for you. Come back!”

“No,” Jesus says

What? No?

Yes, Jesus says, “No.”  He goes onto to say, “I did not come to heal every infirmity. I came to tell people about Love. It’s time for me to leave.”

And he does.
Jesus leaves a long line waiting for him at Peter’s house.
Jesus leaves a disappointed Peter.
Jesus leaves.

I’m so grateful for this story.
Grateful Jesus leaves.
Because sometimes we need to, too.

And we don’t.
We stay.
Often we stay, because we believe staying is the loving thing to do.
Staying is the faithful thing to do.
Staying is what we “should” do.

We stay in jobs that burn us out.
We stay in abusive relationships.
We stay in leadership positions that exhaust us.
We stay in family roles that no longer fit us.
We stay.

But Jesus leaves.
Why?
What compels Jesus to leave when so many are waiting on him, needing him,
when he could help so many, if he stayed?

Love.
Love says leave.

After hours and hours of healing the sick in Peter’s town, Jesus looks out the door, at the long line, getting longer, and slips away. Jesus listens for Love’s voice. Love says, “Leave”.

Love says, “I have sent you to teach people about Love. You have done that. This town knows what Love looks like. It’s time to move on. Other towns need to hear the message, ‘Love is coming, for you.’. So, Jesus leaves.

Jesus doesn’t leave because he’s exhausted. Or angry. Or burned out. Or bored.
Just as Jesus doesn’t stay because others need him, or he doesn’t want to disappoint.
Jesus leaves because Love tells him to.

I love this story, because the sacred voice guiding Jesus from within, speaks louder than the outside voices of expectation, guilt or disappointment.

Jesus is not a people-pleaser.
Jesus is a Spirit pleaser.
Jesus is willing to risk disappointing others, to follow Love’s voice.
This is hard.

I think of the times I’ve left.
My first husband.
My first, my second and my third churches.
When I took a leave of absence from my work to focus on healing my soul.
When I left a popular, well-funded ministry.

Every leaving was hard.

I struggled to make my first marriage work. I lived long with an alcoholic partner, praying often about the faithful thing to do. For years, Love said “Stay”. And then after I finally stopped focusing on my partner’s alcoholism, and focused instead on my co-dependence, Love said “Leave”. I remember the hard conversation, figuring out how to share parenting, furniture and money. I remember my Mennonite farmer neighbors telling me they could no longer talk to me because of my “sin”, from a pastor, no less.

I remember telling my church leadership I needed to step away from my job, because wounded pieces of my past had risen up demanding my full attention in order to heal. I remember wondering if I’d have a job when I came back.

I remember leaving beloved members in every church I served. All of us brokenhearted, some folks mad, disappointed, and feeling betrayed by me.

Leaving is hard.
Staying, though, is harder, when it’s time to leave.

I’ve done that too.
I’ve stayed out of fear that no one else would want me.
I’ve stayed for health insurance and money.
I’ve stayed to please people.

That has always created bitterness and burned out in me.
Love’s flow stopped moving through me.

I’ve learned that the point isn’t staying or leaving.
It’s listening.
Love knows when staying will create more Love.
And Love knows when leaving will.

The work is learning to listen and recognize Love’s voice within us, and then having the courage to do what Jesus does in this story: act on what Love says, and not what the world says.

Loving means Living from the Inside Out.
And sometimes, this means leaving.

Questions for Reflection
When have you stayed longer than you should have … in a job, relationship, organization?  What happened? How did you know you’d stayed too long?

When have you listened to, and followed, Love’s voice, even when others wanted or expected something different from you?
What happened?